Who is the Strongest Man of All?
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The heat was on. Drona had just announced the most exciting news anyone had heard in years. There was going to be a tournament against all the young men in the country to determine the strongest, most skilled warrior. Any and all men between the ages of ten and thirty were invited to compete, and almost everyone wanted to participate. It wasn't every day this sort of thing happened, so every man knew this was his one chance to prove himself. Drona even promised the winner would get a life-changing prize, but he would not reveal what the prize would be until it was won.
The men had only one week to practice, so everyone was stressed. How was one supposed to prepare for something this important in just seven days? They would need at least a month to practice all of their skills in order to feel fully prepared for such an event. They begged Drona to give them more time, but that was one wish he refused to grant. He told the men that a true warrior would not need to prepare as his talent would lie within him. He would hold practice for the men each of the seven days leading up to the tournament, and anyone was welcome to join.
Nobody slept that night. The men were so nervous and anxious and their families were too. Like Drona said, the winner's life was about to change. This was not just a tournament to prove one's worth, it was a chance to live a better life--the best life. They knew that by winning this tournament they would be know as the best, the strongest, the ultimate man. That accreditation combined with the winning prize was enough to make them sick just thinking about.
Day one of the practices was shooting practice. Drona told the men a true warrior knows how to properly shoot an arrow, so he had each of the men show him their form as he critiqued each one. He then had them practice several times shooting at a target. They must have shot 100 arrows within thirty minutes. Drona was unimpressed. "Do you all even know how to shoot an arrow? This is embarrassing! None of you will win this tournament at this rate," he said laughing.
Discouraged, the men kept shooting. They had lost confidence knowing Drona did not believe in them. Drona stood above all the men, placed a plump apple upon his head, and proclaimed, "A real man would be able to shoot this apple right off the top of my head without even blinking, but you all are just a bunch of-" Drona's jaw had dropped to the ground and everyone fell silent. The apple upon his head had been pierced directly in the center of its flesh with a golden arrow. "Who... Who shot this arrow?" Drona said trembling.
"It was I... Karna," shouted a mysterious young man. The crowd gasped and turned to the victor. Nobody knew this man. Who was he? Where had he come from? You could hear the crowd bickering and arguing that he did not even belong here.
"Well, my son, you are our victor. Only a true man would be able to strike an apple upon my head without me even flinching or moving a single hair," Drona exclaimed. "Come, we celebrate you! The tournament is called off, men. We have found the ultimate warrior!"
Karna felt on top of the world. Drona presented him with his life prize of becoming invincible with a life-long supply of riches so he would never have to worry about anything in life again. Nobody knew who Karna was or where he came from, but they gained respect for him that day.
Author's note: This story was inspired by an excerpt of Nivedita's Mahabharata. I loved this scene because it reminded me of WilliamTell, and shooting an apple of the head of someone reminds me of the short old-time stories I'd read as a child. I really changed up the plot, so not much about this story is similar to the real one. First of all, Arjuna is a main character in Nivedita's version, with him being the one that shoots the apple. I wanted Karna to be the one that shines, since in my opinion he gets the short end of the stick throughout the epic. This scene is rather short in the original, so I really expanded on it here adding a backstory to why they were doing this and adding that Karna was granted all the riches, instead of being looked down upon like he is in the Mahabharata. I also wanted to portray Drona in a more positive, accepting light. He is so stern, harsh, and unforgiving in the original story, so in my version I wanted him to be more democratic. I wanted to get creative and tell my own version of the story, and I think I achieved my goal. I think this story will go nicely in my portfolio because it's very different than the stories I currently have, and I think it will be a nice contrast without being completely different. This was the first time I have ever really strayed far from the original plot, so I really enjoyed just making up my own story and telling the reader what I thought should have happened.
Mahabharata (Nivedita)
Oh interesting... a life changing prize sounds awesome. I guess it is only fair that everyone had one week to practice. I would be so nervous for something like that. I like that you have added this element that the tournament is really a chance at a better life. This whole theme almost has a hunger games feel, which I like very much. Im glad Karna won the tournament received all of those great gifts.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this version of the story. It would have been interesting to see an interaction between Arjuna and Karna. The spacing of the story made it easier to read. One thing that I would change is that I would change the background and the color of the text because I had to select the text to be able to read it.
ReplyDeleteTaylor, I enjoyed being able to read the stories in your portfolio! I thought it was creative to take the storytelling posts that you have already done and then add the portfolio label to them! I think that makes things very neat and detailed and I am a huge fan of organization! Your stories are very creative and have really cool details involved in them that I personally would never think of to put in a story. This is why I enjoy reading your writing because you shock me in a good way and make me truly interested in what you have to say. Something you could maybe improve would be to make your font in a black color or even white so it shows up with your deep purple background. It is a little difficult to read right now with that gray color, but I think it is an easy fix for sure! Overall, you did a great job and I cannot wait to see what you write for the weeks to come!
ReplyDeleteI think you did a really good job in building up the anticipation for the tournament. I never really thought about how exciting it would be for a commoner to win this challenge, and have their life completely changed. I also like Drona’s attitude throughout the piece. He is almost condescending to all of the warriors until Karna comes to put him in his place, so to speak. I did see a few spelling errors. For example, I think you meant to type “news” instead of “new” and “men” instead of “mean”. Also, I had a little trouble reading your font. I noticed that for the previous story you chose a white font. I think that looked really good. You might play around with the font colors and see what pops against the purple background. Overall, this was a really good story! I appreciate the creativity you used, and the explanation in your author’s note!
ReplyDeleteHi Taylor. I think you did a really good job with this story. I particularly enjoyed how much liberty you took with creating your own version of the story. I think sometimes straying away from the story like that can make it very difficult to create your own version, but I think you did a very good job of that. I tend to feel bad for the underdog, so I like that you replaced Arjuna with Karna as the protagonist of the story. I also immediately thought of William Tell when I started reading this. This was a good choice because, although you created a new version of the story, most people are familiar with the William Tell story and that makes it even easier for people to follow along. You did a good job of structuring the writing, it flows very smoothly and is easy to read. Great job.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this story. Even though you wrote more than six hundred words, the story felt very short because I was expecting to hear about each of the seven days leading up to the contest before the end. However, I think the unexpected end to the story worked very well. I was a little disappointed by the prize at the end. Because Drona kept the prize a secret, you built up the suspense, but you only addressed the prize in a single sentence at the end. I think this would be easy to fix by adding more detail about the prize. How did Karna become invincible? Did he get a jeweled bottle with nectar of immortality? Describe the prize and be specific. A note on formatting: Get rid of the white highlighting. You might need to go into the HTML and get rid of formatting, or you can try copying this into a text editor and removing the formatting. Overall, great story!
ReplyDeleteI love the story of Karna. He is such a fascinating character and the way you told this story was very interesting. It was a good overview of the events of the tournament and I thought the way you paced it was interesting. While it was very short, you were able to communicate quite a bit of information. The story was very good overall. Well done!
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